It's funny the more I learn the more I realize the error of my ways. Now I don't think I'm doing things complely wrong but it's been really cool to beable to learn something that I can change in order to have a better marriage.
This week we talked about getting married and adjusting to it. One thing that was discussed was how the actual marriage event effects the marriage. Our teacher basically pointed out that the more MONEY you spend on any of it, the harder it is on your marriage. The ring, the wedding ect. Which when you look at it logically marriage is already hard to start out because money is usually tight, what if you we're already in debt when you started your marriage, well hey at least yuh have a big rock to show off right.
When my husband and I were getting engaged I told him two things. One, I didn't want my ring to scratch my babies, which meant I didn't care if it was small infact I wanted it to be flat as possible. Two, all I really know about the proposal is places aren't special to me people are, so I would love to be proposed to with loved ones close by.
Now coming back to the more MONEY you spend of something. I emphasized money because it was the exact opposite if you said time. The more time and attention the husband spent on the engagement, according to the teacher, reflected the time and effort he would continue to spend towards the marriage.
Now I'm not trying to brag, I don't think really anyone reads this so this is more a journal for me to help me remember and be grateful for the sweet man I married. Before my husband proposed I flew to Arizona to spend sometime with my family for a week. While I was gone he spent a whole week writing a fairytale story and calling my sisters asking for pictures of me when I was little. For the engagement he drove me all the way to Colarado to meet my family, so they would be close when he proposed. This means so much to me because now just on valentines day we were able to take this fairytale book out and read it again.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Thursday, February 18, 2016
A date consists of being Paired Off, Planned, and Paid for.
I found this weeks topic very interesting because our teacher also applied it to a document called the Family Proclamation. The family proclamation, among many things, lists the responsibilities of a husband and wife/ mother and father. The role of a husband and father is to Preside, Provide and Protect. The mothers main role is to nurture.
In discussing a date it was defined that a date is not mearly hanging out with the opposite gender but it is something that must be Paired off, Planned, and paid for. As our teacher discussed research of how dating reflects marriage he tied a correlation that I loved.
Paired Off = Protect
Planned = Preside
Paid for = Provide
These men, through dating are not only being able to practice their roles as a husband and father. But the women get to see how willing he is and the desire level he has to do so.
Now on the responsibility of the women is to nurture. Often times dates are awkward or things just don't go very well, it is my belief that women are to nurture the man on the date. If he's awkward give him a chance, if he didn't do his role on the date, teach him how it makes you feel when he does do things that make you feel protected or cared about.
I think your level of commitment to your individual role is the perfect way to date and find a mate. Some people do not hold these roles and too high of importance on their list, and in turn find a mate who doesn't, in this way they may decide to fulfill things in a different way, the husband may be more of the nurturer while the wife gets great satisfaction from her job. Through dating people can find the one they are most compatible with.
When me and my husband were dating I found that our views of our roles, in following the guidelines of the family proclamation were very aligned. I had never met someone who so desired to fulfill his role. Growing up I have never wanted anything more that to nurture.
However one thing I thought was interesting was that our teacher said how talk is cheap and dating is to show your intentions. So as we dated we were able to see, though action that our desires were more than just words.
There are two events that if you put Jesse and I in separate rooms and asked us each what event was the most important to each of us personally we would be able to tell you.
Jesse's, was when he felt sick and had to stay home from work and I came over and "nurtured" him. Jesse is a very hard worker at school and work, which is the first signs of him being a good provider. So when he called in sick from work it was such a big deal that when his roommates saw him home they said man Jesse you must really be sick. I don't remember what I did but just be there with him, but he remembered it, and I don't think its a coincidence that it happened to be a memory of when I nurtured.
My memory was a Saturday when I had worked hours and hours at work and came home exhausted to a huge homework assignment that I didn't have the slightest idea how to do that was due by twelve. I knew that Jesse had wanted to spend time together all Saturday but I was exhausted and had no makeup on and wasn't planning on putting any on that late at night because I had been having some acne problems. Finally Jesse convinced me to come over, He said there was a couple that had been wanting to watch this movie with us and that he'd have pizza for me and help me with my homework. Well I showed up and he got up sat me down at the counter plugged my computer in and set a warm piece of pizza in-front of me. After I was fed we moved to the couch where he started helping me with my homework. Now helping me is an understatement as I said before I had no idea how to do this assignment. He literally read each question with me, and then found it with me in the book where the answer would be found and read over my shoulder silently and then asked me questions that led me to answer the question on my own and then praised me for my intelligence.
I had come over that night completely vulnerable and he had protected that vulnerability. He had provided food for me and the help I needed. And had basically the definition of the word presided over my homework. That night I looked at him and knew I was in love with him. It was not a feeling of lust or of anything I had experienced, it was a feeling of safety that he would always treat me that way, how can you not love someone like that.
In discussing a date it was defined that a date is not mearly hanging out with the opposite gender but it is something that must be Paired off, Planned, and paid for. As our teacher discussed research of how dating reflects marriage he tied a correlation that I loved.
Paired Off = Protect
Planned = Preside
Paid for = Provide
These men, through dating are not only being able to practice their roles as a husband and father. But the women get to see how willing he is and the desire level he has to do so.
Now on the responsibility of the women is to nurture. Often times dates are awkward or things just don't go very well, it is my belief that women are to nurture the man on the date. If he's awkward give him a chance, if he didn't do his role on the date, teach him how it makes you feel when he does do things that make you feel protected or cared about.
I think your level of commitment to your individual role is the perfect way to date and find a mate. Some people do not hold these roles and too high of importance on their list, and in turn find a mate who doesn't, in this way they may decide to fulfill things in a different way, the husband may be more of the nurturer while the wife gets great satisfaction from her job. Through dating people can find the one they are most compatible with.
When me and my husband were dating I found that our views of our roles, in following the guidelines of the family proclamation were very aligned. I had never met someone who so desired to fulfill his role. Growing up I have never wanted anything more that to nurture.
However one thing I thought was interesting was that our teacher said how talk is cheap and dating is to show your intentions. So as we dated we were able to see, though action that our desires were more than just words.
There are two events that if you put Jesse and I in separate rooms and asked us each what event was the most important to each of us personally we would be able to tell you.
Jesse's, was when he felt sick and had to stay home from work and I came over and "nurtured" him. Jesse is a very hard worker at school and work, which is the first signs of him being a good provider. So when he called in sick from work it was such a big deal that when his roommates saw him home they said man Jesse you must really be sick. I don't remember what I did but just be there with him, but he remembered it, and I don't think its a coincidence that it happened to be a memory of when I nurtured.
My memory was a Saturday when I had worked hours and hours at work and came home exhausted to a huge homework assignment that I didn't have the slightest idea how to do that was due by twelve. I knew that Jesse had wanted to spend time together all Saturday but I was exhausted and had no makeup on and wasn't planning on putting any on that late at night because I had been having some acne problems. Finally Jesse convinced me to come over, He said there was a couple that had been wanting to watch this movie with us and that he'd have pizza for me and help me with my homework. Well I showed up and he got up sat me down at the counter plugged my computer in and set a warm piece of pizza in-front of me. After I was fed we moved to the couch where he started helping me with my homework. Now helping me is an understatement as I said before I had no idea how to do this assignment. He literally read each question with me, and then found it with me in the book where the answer would be found and read over my shoulder silently and then asked me questions that led me to answer the question on my own and then praised me for my intelligence.
I had come over that night completely vulnerable and he had protected that vulnerability. He had provided food for me and the help I needed. And had basically the definition of the word presided over my homework. That night I looked at him and knew I was in love with him. It was not a feeling of lust or of anything I had experienced, it was a feeling of safety that he would always treat me that way, how can you not love someone like that.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Same sex attraction can be avoided.
This week we watched a documentary on a study of about five men, their ages ranging from 18-40's. Each of these men had the desire to be cured of this attraction if it were at all possible, and were told it was by seeing these specialists. Throughout the study the men talked about their childhood. Almost all of the aspects that research shows causes same sex attraction was found in their childhood. These are a few of them. Not being excepted by other males socially. Not having a good relationship with the father. Being molested. Lack of affection.
Through there counseling with the specialist they we're able to work through their same sex attraction and were able to start feeling attracted to other females. At the end of this article it talks about how the gay community wanted to make these types of therapies illegal, claiming that it brought on more depression because it was labeled as a disfunction rather that who they were. I thought it was interesting however when one of the men in the study said that he had just been in a relationship with a girl that had ended and though he felt sad about the brake up and missed her, the feelings of sadness never came close to the depression he felt when he was having same sex attraction and not knowing their was help.
What I found most intriguing was the hope I felt as I learned about this study. Sometimes these things going on in the world feel completely out of our control or that we have no influence over them. Especially when the gay communities say things like they we're born this way or this is just who they are. As I learned that kids want so badly to be excepted by their peers, and when their not they feel a lack of affection, and eventually go looking for it in the wrong ways.
This made me determined to teach my kids the importance of loving everyone, and including everyone. Because if everyone can just feel loved and cared about then so many of our problems would be gone. Charity Never Faileth!~Moroni 7:47
Through there counseling with the specialist they we're able to work through their same sex attraction and were able to start feeling attracted to other females. At the end of this article it talks about how the gay community wanted to make these types of therapies illegal, claiming that it brought on more depression because it was labeled as a disfunction rather that who they were. I thought it was interesting however when one of the men in the study said that he had just been in a relationship with a girl that had ended and though he felt sad about the brake up and missed her, the feelings of sadness never came close to the depression he felt when he was having same sex attraction and not knowing their was help.
What I found most intriguing was the hope I felt as I learned about this study. Sometimes these things going on in the world feel completely out of our control or that we have no influence over them. Especially when the gay communities say things like they we're born this way or this is just who they are. As I learned that kids want so badly to be excepted by their peers, and when their not they feel a lack of affection, and eventually go looking for it in the wrong ways.
This made me determined to teach my kids the importance of loving everyone, and including everyone. Because if everyone can just feel loved and cared about then so many of our problems would be gone. Charity Never Faileth!~Moroni 7:47
Monday, February 1, 2016
This week we learned about the strain and struggle immigration puts on families. I think my eyes and heart we're opened more than they ever have as we did a mock trial of what it would have been like on each member of these families. I have so much more admiration for these families now especially because many actually stay intact despite the complete hardships the family goes through.
So why would these families put their family through such a strain just to come to the US something that must of us take complete entitlement of. Many of these families we're very well off, the father had a high education and a good solid job, but decided to leave all of this so their posterity would have an even better future.
I was reminded of the sacrifice my pioneer ancestors made for me, their posterity, so I could have a better life in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They also left good solid lives, so I could have a better. The most amazing thing though was I never thought of what a strain that must have been in a family dynamic way, of course there is the strain of crossing the plains, but once one starts to research on the emotional strain this puts on families, it opens up a whole other can of worms.
These moves brought to mind a much smaller scale move that my family went through, that although the move was not everything it had an impact. I am the youngest of a large family so sadly most of my facts are hear say, as in I wasn't old enough to have really understood what was going on, but thankfully I have a family that is very open about our struggles and why they may have happened.
So a very huge thing in families is family dynamic and family roles. I was born and grew up for ten years in Snowflake. During this time there was lots of financial hardships on my family, which for any family causes stress and tension mostly on the parents. Well I have an older sister Heidi who even though she was number 5 in our family kind of became the middle child because my parents had my four older sister super close together and then got tired and started spacing us last three four years apart. So Heidi became not old enough to hang out with the four older sisters and just old enough to be the built in babysitter for us two youngest kids. This kept her home a lot. And when your home a lot you become aware of the way things are handled in the house. Because of the financial strain, and her frequent presence, Heidi was there for a lot of the discussions between my parents. Now heres a pretty blunt judgement. Our family can TALK but can we communicate? Both of my parents can talk for days, but it became Heidi's role to be the communicator. Dad would say something and Heidi would explain it to mom and vis versa. Until the year 2000 when Heidi graduated high school. I'm not sure why but the family decided to move to the valley. And Heidi moved away to college. I remember the morning she left, she came to say by to me while I was still asleep, and she was in tears, saying something about feeling so bad leaving David and I on are very first day of school with all our clothes in boxes. She felt a great deal of responciblity for us, her role had become one of the parents.. or both.. the in-between parent that even helped my parents. A couple years late my parents divorced. Now this may be a serious crime of hasty generalization that I have just committed. But i only do so to shed some light on how much affect family dynamic and roles have on a family.
So why would these families put their family through such a strain just to come to the US something that must of us take complete entitlement of. Many of these families we're very well off, the father had a high education and a good solid job, but decided to leave all of this so their posterity would have an even better future.
I was reminded of the sacrifice my pioneer ancestors made for me, their posterity, so I could have a better life in the gospel of Jesus Christ. They also left good solid lives, so I could have a better. The most amazing thing though was I never thought of what a strain that must have been in a family dynamic way, of course there is the strain of crossing the plains, but once one starts to research on the emotional strain this puts on families, it opens up a whole other can of worms.
These moves brought to mind a much smaller scale move that my family went through, that although the move was not everything it had an impact. I am the youngest of a large family so sadly most of my facts are hear say, as in I wasn't old enough to have really understood what was going on, but thankfully I have a family that is very open about our struggles and why they may have happened.
So a very huge thing in families is family dynamic and family roles. I was born and grew up for ten years in Snowflake. During this time there was lots of financial hardships on my family, which for any family causes stress and tension mostly on the parents. Well I have an older sister Heidi who even though she was number 5 in our family kind of became the middle child because my parents had my four older sister super close together and then got tired and started spacing us last three four years apart. So Heidi became not old enough to hang out with the four older sisters and just old enough to be the built in babysitter for us two youngest kids. This kept her home a lot. And when your home a lot you become aware of the way things are handled in the house. Because of the financial strain, and her frequent presence, Heidi was there for a lot of the discussions between my parents. Now heres a pretty blunt judgement. Our family can TALK but can we communicate? Both of my parents can talk for days, but it became Heidi's role to be the communicator. Dad would say something and Heidi would explain it to mom and vis versa. Until the year 2000 when Heidi graduated high school. I'm not sure why but the family decided to move to the valley. And Heidi moved away to college. I remember the morning she left, she came to say by to me while I was still asleep, and she was in tears, saying something about feeling so bad leaving David and I on are very first day of school with all our clothes in boxes. She felt a great deal of responciblity for us, her role had become one of the parents.. or both.. the in-between parent that even helped my parents. A couple years late my parents divorced. Now this may be a serious crime of hasty generalization that I have just committed. But i only do so to shed some light on how much affect family dynamic and roles have on a family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)